Navtej Kohli Business Blog

Stop being late to work

There is a little bit of TOM in all of us says Navtej Kohli.

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning by almost two hours. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.

“Boss”, he said, ” The pill actually worked!”

“That’s all fine” said the boss, ” But where were you yesterday?”

 I’m sure poor TOM has learnt his lesson

Navtej Kohli business blog presents an interesting and factual story that again shows the basic human tendency of poking nose in matters of the other…
This is a true story. Some years ago a client engaged a consultant to help with a small postal mailing to the purchasing departments of blue chip corporations. The consultant sourced the list (which was provided on MSExcel) and drafted the letter. Thereafter the client was keen to take control of the project, ie., to run the mail-merge and the fulfilment (basically printing, envelope-stuffing and mailing).
The consultant discovered some weeks later that a junior member of the client’s marketing department had sorted the list (changed the order of the listed organisations in the spreadsheet), but had sorted the company name column only, instead of all columns, with the result that every letter (about 500) was addressed and sent to a blue chip corporation at another entirely different corporation’s address.
Interestingly the mailing produced a particularly high response, which when investigated seemed to stem from the fact that an unusually high percentage of letters were opened and read, due apparently to the irresistible temptation of reading another corporation’s mail.

I know today is monday morning and all of us feel sleepy and do not feel like working. So, keeping that in mind here is something to cheer you up and energize you for the day.

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.
The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks “What do two plus two equal?” The mathematician replies “Four.” The interviewer asks “Four, exactly?” The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says “Yes, four, exactly.”

Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question “What do two plus two equal?” The accountant says “On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four.”

Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question “What do two plus two equal?” The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says “What do you want it to equal?”

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.

Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.

He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, “Can I help you?”

The man said, “Yeah, I’ve come to activate your phone lines.”

Hope you have a fun time reading these!!!

Navtej Kohli shares a funny short story on the management scenario in a Big corporation. Enjoy, it’s really very funny.

A big corporation recently hired several cannibals. “You are all part of our team now”, said the HR rep during briefing. “You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria to eat, but don’t eat any of the other employees”.
The cannibals promised they would not.
Four weeks later their boss remarked, “You’re all working very hard, and I’m satisfied with you. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?”
The cannibals all shook their heads no.
After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, “Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?” A hand raised hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals continued, “You fool!!! For four weeks we’ve been eating managers and no one noticed, but noooooo, you had to go and eat someone important!”

Navtej Kohli laughs at the ever going tussle between Apple Engineers and Microsoft Engineers.
Three Apple engineers and three Microsoft engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Microsoft engineers each buy tickets and watch as the three Apple engineers buy only a single ticket. “How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks a Microsoft engineer. “Watch and you’ll see,” answers the Apple engineer.

They all board the train. The Microsoft engineers take their respective seats but all three Apple engineers cram into a rest room and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the rest room door and says, “Ticket, please.” The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Microsoft engineers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the Microsoft engineers decide to copy the Apple engineers on the return trip and save some money.

When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Apple engineers don’t buy a ticket at all. “How are you going to travel without a ticket?” asks one perplexed Microsoft engineer. “Watch and you’ll see,” answers an Apple engineer. When they board the train the three Microsoft engineers cram into a rest room and the three Apple engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the Apple engineers leaves his rest room and walks over to the rest room where the Microsoft employees are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, “Ticket, please…”

Dog-gone Amazing

A man was out driving, when he came across a flock of sheep. He got out of his car, and walked over to the shepherd tending the sheep. He asked,

“Are you a betting man?”

“Why do you ask?”, said the shepherd.

“I’ll bet you $20, to one of your sheep, that I can guess the size of your flock.”, he said.

“You’re on”, said the shepherd, “How many sheep have I got?”

“367″, came the answer.

“That’s amazing,” exclaimed the shepherd, “You’re absolutely right! go and pick yourself a sheep.”

Having claimed his prize, the man was walking away, when the shepherd called out to him.

“How about another bet- double or nothing.”, he challenged.

“What’s the bet?”, said the man.

“I’ll bet you that I can tell your occupation, and who you work for.”

“That’s a bet.” said the man. “What do I do?”

“You’re a marketing consultant, and you work for the government.”, said the shepherd.

“That’s amazing,” said the man. “How did you figure that out?”

The shepherd smiled. “Put down my dog, and I’ll tell you.”

Informed Choice

When a young marketer met his untimely end, he was informed that he had a choice about where he would spend his eternity: Heaven or Hell. He was allowed to visit both places, and then make his decision afterwards.

“I’ll see Heaven first,” said the salesman, and an angel led him through the gates on a private tour. Inside it was very peaceful and serene, and all the people there were playing harps and eating grapes. It looked very nice, but the salesman was not about to make a decision that could very well condemn him to so sedate an eternity.

“Can I see Hell now?” he asked. The angel pointed him to the elevator, and he went down to the Basement where he was greeted by one of Satan’s loyal followers. For the next half hour, the salesman was led through a tour of what appeared to be the best night clubs he’d ever seen. People were partying loudly, and having a, if you’ll pardon the expression, Hell of a time.

When the tour ended, he was sent back up where the angel asked him if he had reached a final decision.

“Yes, I have,” he replied. “As great as Heaven looks and all, I have to admit that Hell was more of my kind of place. I’ve decided to spend my eternity down there.”

The salesman was sent to hell, where he was immediately thrown into a cave and was chained to a wall, and he was subjected to various tortures. “When I came down here for the tour,” he yelled with anger and pain, “I was shown a whole bunch of bars and parties and other great stuff! What happened?!”

The devil replied, “Oh, that! That was just the Marketing Presentation”

Hope you enjoy them.

*Source: eszes.net